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How can we be present for the excitement,
hope and joy of Christmas of Hanukkah when the suffering
of loss is all around you? It is easy to be caught in
the quicksand of depression when you have lost your home
or when your loved one is no longer at your side. The
good news is that you don’t have to wait until all is
well around you to experience that bubbly excitement of
Santa Claus coming or the joy of resurrection. Here is
how to open those gates now.
1)
First say
goodbye to the past and let yourself feel the grief of
letting go of the physical presence of that person or
place that you have lost. Say goodbye to each emotional
or physical quality of that person you love that comes
to mind, or to each room in that house that has special
meaning to you.
2)
Let the
tears flow. Each tear is a medal of honor, a testimony
to your capacity to love and your strength to let go of
the past. Grief is brief. You will feel it
for a short time. You may have to repeat this many
times, but each time you truly say goodbye the hurt
stays in your body and mind casting a pall of deadening
depression- now comes the good part!
3)
You may
have lost a person you love or a house you love, but you
have not lost the capacity to love or your ability to
create. In fact you can take the essence of your loss
and use it as a wonderful new part of your personality.
For example when I miss the presence of
my adult daughter who died two years ago I think of her
wonderful capacity to express spontaneous childlike joy.
Whenever I think of her I feel a moment of grief and
then take her joy in as enthusiasm (the word enthusiasm
means “in God” in Greek). This is my ever-growing
testimonial to my daughter’s life.
I once owned a big brick house that was
stately and solid. Now whenever I think of it, I
straighten up a bit and feel stately and solid inside.
I think you have enough to try it out-
that is my holiday gift to you.
Art Samuels, M.D.
If you would like to learn how to use
this to give up chronic depression, anxiety or anger you
will find it in “the Art of Saying Goodbye.”
If you would like to use this and similar
techniques to enhance love and excitement in your long
term relationship you can find it in “Zen and the Art of
Intimacy.”
A
forthcoming book “From Chaos to Theos” Tells you how to
inoculate yourself against panic and turn the energy of
fear into creative actions. It will be available soon as
an online book.
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